Part Twenty-Four: Sasha Reveals A Secret
May. 15th, 2020 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sigridharemSasha entered, looking so innocently hopeful it hurt Sigrid’s heart.
“Have you changed your mind about seeing me?”
Sigrid swallowed. “I am considering it,” she lied. “But I am preoccupied at the moment with the news that my sister is investigating the death of your former master.”
Sasha turned pale.
“Things are about to become exceedingly complicated, I fear. And so I am going to have to ask you more about how you came to be in that place.”
“I…” Sasha bit his lip. “May I sit down?”
“Of course.” She gestured to the chair.
“I… wanted to tell you at the beginning. But then I… I started to worry that it would change things. That you wouldn’t believe me, or that you would throw me away.” Sasha’s lip split, and he scrubbed at the blood with the back of one hand. “Then I started to hope you’d never ask, and we could just… go on. But we can’t, can we?”
Sigrid folded her hands. “Sasha, who were your parents?”
Sasha stared down into his lap. “My mother was Freja, daughter of Bragi, granddaughter of King Einar. My father was Vanya, youngest son of Tsar Stanislav.”
She’d thought she was prepared for the worst.
She’d had no idea.
“Your father,” Sigrid said faintly, “was a prince of Rúsland.”
Sasha nodded, still staring into his lap.
Now she understood. With an alliance like that, of course Mother would have felt threatened by her cousin. But how on earth had she managed to get away with murdering them both? And in what fit of madness had she spared Sasha?
“We’re… cousins, I guess. Distant cousins.” Sasha tugged on a loose thread at the edge of his tunic. “Is that strange?”
“My mother killed your parents.” It burst out of Sigrid before she had the power to stop herself. “God, my mother…”
“She wanted me alive,” Sasha said dully. “She was very clear about that. ‘Damaged’ was okay, but… alive. I never knew why.”
Sigrid closed her eyes briefly. God in heaven. What have I stumbled upon? “Perhaps she wanted to be able to present you to your father’s family someday, if they looked for you.”
“They did.” Sasha’s hands gripped his knees. “They sent Kai.”
“What?!”
“They sent Kai,” Sasha repeated. “Jalo wasn’t lying, he was a spy. I think he was doing other things in the country too, but when he realized who I was, he…” A tear ran down his cheek. “I wish he never had. He might’ve not tried so hard to escape. He might have lived longer.”
Sigrid swallowed. “You are not responsible for his death.”
There was a pause. “No,” Sasha said finally. “But his death is the reason I’m here. And it… hurts.”
“I am sorry.”
“You of all people shouldn’t be.” Sasha finally looked at her, and it was something of a relief to see the obvious affection still in his eyes. “You killed his murderer. I… I truly can never thank you enough.”
“We may both be in trouble for it before long,” Sigrid said dryly. “Still, I can’t say I regret my actions.” She paused. “If it had been my sister who rode to your rescue instead… would you have loved her for it?”
An odd expression crossed Sasha’s face. “No. Besides… I don’t think she would have.”
“Well, I have a hard time picturing her killing anyone, that much is true.” Sigrid sighed. “Perhaps you’d be mired in a very tiresome due process to this day.”
“I loved you from the first time that we met. Among the bluebells.”
Sigrid was taken aback, both because she had not expected his feelings ran so far into the past and because to her recollection this was the first time he had used the word love to describe feelings for her. She was touched, but at the same time wasn’t sure how to feel knowing he had felt this way when she’d nearly forgotten his existence for years.
He loved me for so little. He clung to the scraps I scarcely realized I was giving him.
Does he love me more now he knows me, or less?
She realized, belatedly, that she had sat in silence during his confession and now Sasha looked despondent.
“It’s too strange for you, isn’t it,” Sasha said, tugging at his fingers. “That we’re related.”
“No,” Sigrid said at once, because that meant little to her when she’d never even known his parents existed before. “It’s only that… you’ve given me a lot to consider.”
Sasha’s shoulders hunched. “You don’t love me.”
“I-“ Before all this she would have said yes, unconditionally. And he was still the same Sasha.
The truth was, she didn’t question her love for him.
She questioned his.
“It’s all right,” Sasha said glumly. “You don’t have to. But… I’d like to go now, if that’s all right.”
“Wait.”
They both stood at the same time.
“Sasha.” Sigrid fixed him with her gaze. “What if I had disappointed you?”
“What?”
“In our present relationship. What if we were simply not compatible, or I was fickle, or any number of things?”
“Then I would have left your service,” Sasha said simply.
Sigrid exhaled. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“Why?” Sasha frowned.
“Because I love you, and I don’t like to think you would stay if you were not happy.” She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers between his. “I cannot change the past. But I will do my best to protect you.”
Sasha’s smile was so radiant it almost hurt her to see it. “Thank you, Lady Sigrid!”
She leaned over the desk, putting a finger to his lips. “When we’re alone… just Sigrid is fine.”
“L- S-Sigrid!” He clasped her hand, kissing it over and over, then paused. “Oh, it… it feels strange just calling you by your name!”
Sigrid laughed. “You’ll get used to it, sweetheart. I promise. Now let go of my hand so I can walk around this desk and embrace you.”
If it pleased her to reward Sasha with a more familiar address, it also served the purpose of making her seem more of an ordinary human in his eyes. She hoped that this would cast away any last traces of distant worship.
“Sigrid,” Sasha whispered as she held him tightly.
She sent him on his way with a kiss to his forehead and a promise that they would see each other soon.
I’ll look at the next couple weeks and see what I can arrange to accommodate all. After all, I’ll certainly want the distraction to keep myself sleeping soundly at night.
Leifr tonight, of course… but perhaps Wolfgang as well. Then Nikolaj or Mikael the next night depending on her mood. After that, either Sebastian alone or Sebastian with Klaus, and then perhaps she could attend to Sasha.
Although… I could see him sooner under less erotic pretenses. Would that be enough?
For both of us?
There was a knock at the door, which was unexpected. Perhaps Karl had news?
On re-reading I noticed some of this scene was redundant as it covered some of the same points as the earlier scene after Jalo's sentencing, so I've tweaked it a little to make it less so. I will probably tweak it again later on.
“Have you changed your mind about seeing me?”
Sigrid swallowed. “I am considering it,” she lied. “But I am preoccupied at the moment with the news that my sister is investigating the death of your former master.”
Sasha turned pale.
“Things are about to become exceedingly complicated, I fear. And so I am going to have to ask you more about how you came to be in that place.”
“I…” Sasha bit his lip. “May I sit down?”
“Of course.” She gestured to the chair.
“I… wanted to tell you at the beginning. But then I… I started to worry that it would change things. That you wouldn’t believe me, or that you would throw me away.” Sasha’s lip split, and he scrubbed at the blood with the back of one hand. “Then I started to hope you’d never ask, and we could just… go on. But we can’t, can we?”
Sigrid folded her hands. “Sasha, who were your parents?”
Sasha stared down into his lap. “My mother was Freja, daughter of Bragi, granddaughter of King Einar. My father was Vanya, youngest son of Tsar Stanislav.”
She’d thought she was prepared for the worst.
She’d had no idea.
“Your father,” Sigrid said faintly, “was a prince of Rúsland.”
Sasha nodded, still staring into his lap.
Now she understood. With an alliance like that, of course Mother would have felt threatened by her cousin. But how on earth had she managed to get away with murdering them both? And in what fit of madness had she spared Sasha?
“We’re… cousins, I guess. Distant cousins.” Sasha tugged on a loose thread at the edge of his tunic. “Is that strange?”
“My mother killed your parents.” It burst out of Sigrid before she had the power to stop herself. “God, my mother…”
“She wanted me alive,” Sasha said dully. “She was very clear about that. ‘Damaged’ was okay, but… alive. I never knew why.”
Sigrid closed her eyes briefly. God in heaven. What have I stumbled upon? “Perhaps she wanted to be able to present you to your father’s family someday, if they looked for you.”
“They did.” Sasha’s hands gripped his knees. “They sent Kai.”
“What?!”
“They sent Kai,” Sasha repeated. “Jalo wasn’t lying, he was a spy. I think he was doing other things in the country too, but when he realized who I was, he…” A tear ran down his cheek. “I wish he never had. He might’ve not tried so hard to escape. He might have lived longer.”
Sigrid swallowed. “You are not responsible for his death.”
There was a pause. “No,” Sasha said finally. “But his death is the reason I’m here. And it… hurts.”
“I am sorry.”
“You of all people shouldn’t be.” Sasha finally looked at her, and it was something of a relief to see the obvious affection still in his eyes. “You killed his murderer. I… I truly can never thank you enough.”
“We may both be in trouble for it before long,” Sigrid said dryly. “Still, I can’t say I regret my actions.” She paused. “If it had been my sister who rode to your rescue instead… would you have loved her for it?”
An odd expression crossed Sasha’s face. “No. Besides… I don’t think she would have.”
“Well, I have a hard time picturing her killing anyone, that much is true.” Sigrid sighed. “Perhaps you’d be mired in a very tiresome due process to this day.”
“I loved you from the first time that we met. Among the bluebells.”
Sigrid was taken aback, both because she had not expected his feelings ran so far into the past and because to her recollection this was the first time he had used the word love to describe feelings for her. She was touched, but at the same time wasn’t sure how to feel knowing he had felt this way when she’d nearly forgotten his existence for years.
He loved me for so little. He clung to the scraps I scarcely realized I was giving him.
Does he love me more now he knows me, or less?
She realized, belatedly, that she had sat in silence during his confession and now Sasha looked despondent.
“It’s too strange for you, isn’t it,” Sasha said, tugging at his fingers. “That we’re related.”
“No,” Sigrid said at once, because that meant little to her when she’d never even known his parents existed before. “It’s only that… you’ve given me a lot to consider.”
Sasha’s shoulders hunched. “You don’t love me.”
“I-“ Before all this she would have said yes, unconditionally. And he was still the same Sasha.
The truth was, she didn’t question her love for him.
She questioned his.
“It’s all right,” Sasha said glumly. “You don’t have to. But… I’d like to go now, if that’s all right.”
“Wait.”
They both stood at the same time.
“Sasha.” Sigrid fixed him with her gaze. “What if I had disappointed you?”
“What?”
“In our present relationship. What if we were simply not compatible, or I was fickle, or any number of things?”
“Then I would have left your service,” Sasha said simply.
Sigrid exhaled. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“Why?” Sasha frowned.
“Because I love you, and I don’t like to think you would stay if you were not happy.” She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers between his. “I cannot change the past. But I will do my best to protect you.”
Sasha’s smile was so radiant it almost hurt her to see it. “Thank you, Lady Sigrid!”
She leaned over the desk, putting a finger to his lips. “When we’re alone… just Sigrid is fine.”
“L- S-Sigrid!” He clasped her hand, kissing it over and over, then paused. “Oh, it… it feels strange just calling you by your name!”
Sigrid laughed. “You’ll get used to it, sweetheart. I promise. Now let go of my hand so I can walk around this desk and embrace you.”
If it pleased her to reward Sasha with a more familiar address, it also served the purpose of making her seem more of an ordinary human in his eyes. She hoped that this would cast away any last traces of distant worship.
“Sigrid,” Sasha whispered as she held him tightly.
She sent him on his way with a kiss to his forehead and a promise that they would see each other soon.
I’ll look at the next couple weeks and see what I can arrange to accommodate all. After all, I’ll certainly want the distraction to keep myself sleeping soundly at night.
Leifr tonight, of course… but perhaps Wolfgang as well. Then Nikolaj or Mikael the next night depending on her mood. After that, either Sebastian alone or Sebastian with Klaus, and then perhaps she could attend to Sasha.
Although… I could see him sooner under less erotic pretenses. Would that be enough?
For both of us?
There was a knock at the door, which was unexpected. Perhaps Karl had news?
On re-reading I noticed some of this scene was redundant as it covered some of the same points as the earlier scene after Jalo's sentencing, so I've tweaked it a little to make it less so. I will probably tweak it again later on.
