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sigridharem“Very well then. Who was he?”
“Master used to call his kind kitchen slaves. They were trusted enough to do specialized tasks directly under the masters’ supervision. Like many of them, Jalo was…” Sasha hesitated. “Loyal.”
She frowned. Although this explained certain things about the man’s attitude, it hadn’t really been what she was after. “And who is he to you?”
Sasha bit his lip. “No one, really. I ranked below him so he didn’t really-“
“Is that why he kept staring at you?” Sigrid said bluntly.
“I don’t know…” He shifted against her. “Maybe?”
He was avoiding her questions, but not outright lying as far as she could tell. That was something.
Time to cut to the point.
“I realized something when he admitted he was a slave. I saw him when I visited the mansion.”
Sasha sat up, eyes wide as he stared at her. “You did?”
“Yes. Don’t you remember? He was…” Sigrid hesitated, stomach turning at the vivid memory. “Present for your whipping.”
“Oh.” Sasha’s expression grew more vague. “You meant when you liberated us.”
“Of course I did!” Sigrid snapped, immediately regretting it when Sasha flinched.
“Sorry…” he whispered.
Sigrid winced, sitting up slowly. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you. What I mean to say is…” She paused. “What do you think should be done in his case?”
There. Show me if you intend to go alone with his plan.
Sasha stared at her. “What do I think should be done?”
“Yes. You were there, you heard his petition. You understand his circumstance.”
“His circumstance…” Sasha frowned. “No. It’s not up to me.”
Sigrid wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or not. “Are you certain?”
Sasha let out a long sigh. “Lady Sigrid, I… I know you heard us.”
Ah.
Well. There’s that charade over with, at least.
“He threatened you,” Sigrid said flatly, folding her hands in her lap.
Sasha inclined his head. “It really wasn’t necessary. But I guess he assumed I was against him.”
She frowned. “But you aren’t?”
“I didn’t say that.” Sasha drew up his legs. “But I’m not going to let him be right about me.”
So he had been bothered. But it still didn’t make sense. “In what way?”
“Lady Sigrid, I…” He wrapped his arms around his legs, resting his chin on his knees. “I told you the truth on that first night. I didn’t offer myself to you because I thought it would make me powerful or anything like that. I wanted to be with you.”
Sigrid sighed, and rested her hand on his shoulder. “Be that as it may, something has to be done about Jalo. Can I trust he’s not dangerous?”
Sasha let out a bitter laugh. “Not by himself and not in this situation.”
Still, he uncurled himself and shifted closer to her.
Sigrid paused, hoping she wasn’t about to hit a sore spot. “He said something about traitors.”
“That’s what they used to call slaves that tried to run away,” Sasha said dully.
And yet, not nearly the same reaction, Sigrid observed, but decided to let it rest.
“Lady Sigrid.” Sasha took her hand, and kissed it. “I am willing to bear the consequences of whatever action you choose to take.”
“Well, I can’t take action without knowing more about the man,” Sigrid pointed out.
Although from what I know so far, in good conscience I can’t imagine wanting to do him a good turn.
After a long moment, Sasha said quietly, “Ask him about Kai.”
Sigrid frowned. “Who is Kai?”
She felt his fingers tighten around hers. “Another slave.”
Someone important, to Sasha at least.
“Is it possible Jalo will deny knowledge of them?”
“No,” Sasha said immediately. “He’d have to feel guilty to do that.”
“I see.” Sigrid hesitated. “Should I know anything more?”
“He’s dead.”
It wasn’t the words that hung in the air so much as the way Sasha had said them, so matter-of-factly even as he stared down at the bedspread.
There was a story there, undoubtedly.
“How…” Sigrid hesitated. “How did Kai die?”
“They hung him, I think. I wasn’t there.” Sasha shrugged, a movement that seemed forced. “That was maybe… two years ago now, I guess. Not that it feels like it.”
Anger flared up in Sigrid at the thought of Sasha, helpless and alone, but she pushed it down. “I’m sorry.”
That made Sasha look up, surprise written in his features. “Why? You didn’t kill him.”
“I meant that I’m sorry you had to experience something like that,” she said gently, tugging him closer. “I think he must have meant a great deal to you.”
Sasha’s eyes widened, his cheeks going pink. “How…?”
“You don’t speak of the past much, love, and when you do it’s rare to hear a name.” Sigrid touched his shoulder, and when he didn’t flinch, wrapped her arms around his chest, kissing his cheek. “I know you now.”
He returned her embrace, burying his face in her neck. She thought she felt his breath hitch in a sob.
They stayed like that for a long moment.
“Lots of slaves died,” Sasha mumbled. “He wasn’t the only one that I liked, but him dying was what made me know I had to escape or die trying to.”
Sigrid stroked his head. “Did you try to run away?”
“No,” he said immediately. “Because even if that worked, that… wouldn’t be enough. I’d always be looking over my shoulder, scared I wasn’t really safe. And then they’d have gotten away with it. With everything.”
A strange sort of pride washed over her. Even though it might have been easier, my Sasha wasn’t satisfied with anything less but bringing the whole horrible lot of them down.
“Well, you succeeded in the end.” Sigrid kissed his temple. “But I still want you to feel safe.”
“I do feel safe… with you,” Sasha whispered.
That gave her pause.
“And in the seraglio.” He lifted his head, a serious look on his face. “I like Klaus and the others. I like this life. It’s… it’s been better than I could have dreamed.”
Sigrid smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”
What still didn’t make sense to her was why, when he’d done so much to ensure his own survival, when he’d (unnecessarily) acted to try and ensure he favored her over her other men, why he would suddenly stop short at taking action against Jalo to keep it secret from the general public that he was a slave.
Especially given how vehement he was when Jalo began to speak of it…
Her smile froze on her face.
Sasha had realized they might be overheard. And Jalo hadn’t finished all his sentences.
What if Sasha doesn’t care if Jalo reveals he’s a slave? What if he has another secret? One I don’t know about?
“Lady Sigrid?”
“Sasha…” Sigrid said slowly. “If I choose to let Jalo rot as a bootboy in Hofn’s service, technically improving his situation but angering him, do you think he will say anything that might make you feel unsafe?”
Sasha looked thoughtful. “Maybe.”
“Then-“
“But honestly, Lady Sigrid?” Sasha laughed. “Who would listen to him now?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Rumors don’t always originate from the most reputable sources.”
Sasha’s smile dimmed a little. “Well… still, I don’t think…”
“Put aside what Jalo thinks of you,” Sigrid said impatiently. “If this man intends to hurt you, I want there to be the smallest possible chance that he could succeed.”
“But he doesn’t,” Sasha said, as though it were obvious. “He dislikes me, but that’s not what matters to him. All he cares about is his stupid ego and that’s all about his position.”
“So if I suggested say, he become Hofn’s personal valet, would that-“
“Don’t!” Immediately after speaking, Sasha flushed. “I mean… wouldn’t that make Hofn annoyed at you?”
“He’ll be annoyed wherever I put Jalo so long as it’s his problem, but he’ll get over it. He likes Mother and Lotte, and next time one of them will deal with him instead.”
Sasha’s eyes widened, color draining from his face. “The Queen would really bother coming to a place like this?”
“Well, not usually,” Sigrid admitted. “If he gives Lotte trouble, which he might, then she’d be annoyed enough to make the journey. But if Hofn has any sense he’ll try to avoid that kind of confrontation.”
“I… I see.”
He was withdrawing into himself again, his expression distant with thought or sadness.
Now I think about it, he behaved oddly when I introduced him to Mother as well, lowering his head and barely speaking.
Not that Sigrid didn’t understand the impulse, and it was certainly true that there was nothing unreasonable about being intimidated by the Queen. Anyone with sense felt that way.
But Sasha had held her hand so tightly, like he was afraid she’d vanish.
Or just like he was afraid.
“Sasha,” Sigrid said gently. “Are you all right?”
“I don’t want him to be happy.” Sasha rested his head on her shoulder, so she couldn’t quite see his face. “But… maybe you’re right. Maybe he could still be dangerous if he’s too upset to care what happens to him.”
What Sigrid wanted, most of all, was to protect Sasha. Now that Sasha had admitted there was a possibility Jalo could hurt him, she needed to handle the man very carefully.
“I think perhaps I’ve been considering this from the wrong angle,” Sigrid mused. “What Hofn wants is a say in his territory. If Jalo makes himself unbearable and I give the choice to Hofn…”
“Then it will be Hofn he’s upset at?” Sasha paused, thoughtfully. “Maybe.”
Sigrid smiled. “Think on it. If you have a better thought, I want to hear it.”
“But it’s not my place to-“
“This affects you more than me,” she said firmly. “So it is your place.”
She felt him hesitate again, but then he spoke.
“Then… do it. But make sure you ask him about Kai.”
“I will.”
They lay in contemplative silence for a while after that, Sigrid absently stroking Sasha’s head from time to time.
“What will you tell Klaus?” Sasha said suddenly.
Sigrid frowned. “I thought perhaps I would leave him out of it entirely.”
“Lord Hofn might take notice of that,” Sasha pointed out.
“I don’t care particularly if he does.” Better Klaus be bored than… disturbed.
“So you’d rather Lord Hofn realize my past than Klaus?”
The question was unexpectedly sharp, and Sigrid turned to find a hardness in Sasha’s face she had not seen before.
“I thought,” Sigrid said slowly, “that you would prefer it that way.”
“He’s innocent.” Sasha’s tone softened. “Too innocent. I know you want to protect him, but-“
“As I said, I thought I was protecting y-“
“But you can’t let him go on thinking the world is full of nice people!”
Sigrid stared at Sasha, not certain if she was more shocked at what he was saying or how he’d interrupted her.
“Don’t you see?” There was such sorrow in his face it made Sigrid’s heart hurt. “I didn’t realize. The way he talked earlier, like half my life was some sort of myth. They don’t see me for what I am- what I was not because they’re blind but because the possibility doesn’t even occur to them! And that’s not… that’s not what I want.”
Sasha dropped his head, staring down at the coverlet. “Even you… even you, Lady Sigrid. You don’t know half of what I’ve seen.”
“Sasha…” Her stomach twisted. I don’t know, but I can imagine.
“Please.” Sasha swallowed visibly. “I want Klaus to be there.”
“He’s not exactly known for keeping secrets,” Sigrid pointed out. “Half my harem will hear about it.”
Sasha shrugged, as if to say I’ll deal with that later.
“He can’t conceal his feelings. He’ll be… emotional.”
“Lady Sigrid,” Sasha said, raising his head. “I haven’t asked you for much. Please.”
She exhaled slowly. “Very well. It will be done.”
I hope I won’t come to regret this.
Sasha all but knocked her back into the pillows with his embrace. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Sigrid smiled, kissing his temple. “It’s a rather strange thing to thank me so passionately for, sweetheart.”
“Well… you listened to me.” He nuzzled her neck.
“I spoil you is what I do,” Sigrid said fondly.
He laughed. “Jalo said that too.”
Her stomach dropped.
“But he thinks not chaining me up at night is spoiling me,” Sasha said, almost cheerfully. “If he knew you let me sleep in your bed he would be speechless.”
“Wretched man,” Sigrid muttered. “Why should he think himself so far above you?”
Sasha shrugged again. “In Master’s eyes, he was. That was all he ever knew.”
“But why?”
Sasha’s smile faded, and he picked at a thread on the coverlet. “Well… as I told you before, I was sold when I was nine. So I remembered being free. And at first, I fought them.”
“Well, of course.” Sigrid still didn’t understand. “What of it?”
Sasha sighed. “I didn’t fight back well. I just… lashed out, weakly. I couldn’t actually stop them or even hurt them, really. They… thought it was funny. Even after I finally gave up and started trying to blend in they kept laughing about me.”
Rage flared up in Sigrid, and she had to fold her hands to keep them from shaking.
“At the same time, I was… to Master’s taste, so I avoided the worst punishments. And I think that made some like Jalo resent me.” Sasha’s voice and expression had taken on that oddly flat tone again. “I was often told I was receiving a privilege I didn’t deserve.”
“By…” Being molested and raped by that woman and her cohorts? “What age?”
Sasha avoided her eyes. “I’m… not really sure. It was hard to keep track of time sometimes.”
That was somehow more disturbing to Sigrid than confirming outright what she suspected.
Sasha shrugged again, unconvincingly “Sometimes I did choose it. Not with Master, I mean, that was never a choice when it happened, but with others.” The faintest of smiles crossed his mouth. “I got to be good enough that I could use it to get people to do things for me. Like delivering letters.”
Sigrid closed her eyes briefly. So that’s how his missive reached me at last. The courier fucked him.
The exchange Sasha and Jalo had rung in her ears.
“Whoring was all you were ever good for.”
“I know it.”
She’d known he’d been ill-used in the past, but she’d willfully closed her eyes to just how much.
Am I just another person taking advantage of him?
“Lady Sigrid?”
Sasha bit his lip. “Are you… disgusted with me?”
“No!” Sigrid said vehemently. “I’m disgusted with the treatment you received. With the utter lack of compassion! Never, never with you.” She hesitated. “And I… I hope you never again feel as though you have to… do anything you do not truly wish to do.”
Sasha smiled, his eyes perhaps a bit shinier than usual. “Thank you.”
“You…” Sigrid swallowed. “You haven’t felt… forced by me or anyone since you’ve entered my service? In any way?”
“No!” Sasha said immediately, eyes widening. “Lady Sigrid, I thought you knew. I’m terribly wanton.”
“Well, yes, but that doesn’t-“
“If I didn’t desire you, I never would have offered myself,” Sasha cut in sharply. “Never. If you’d turned me away I would have gone on doing honest work at the inn where I was staying. I didn’t need your favor, but I wanted it.”
“Why?” She believed him, but… “Because I killed your Master?”
“That, and…” Sasha hesitated, his cheeks going pink. “Meeting you was one of the only good things that happened to me after I was sold to her. You were kind and gentle with me, and so outraged that anyone would hurt me. I always wished to see you again.”
“I looked for you the next day,” Sigrid said softly. “I remember that much.”
“Well, I wasn’t allowed outside for a long time after that.” Sasha smiled. “But it was worth it.”
She stroked his cheek. “My brave darling.”
His flush deepened, and he lowered his eyes. “I wasn’t brave, really. I was just-“
“Sasha. Look at me.” Sigrid waited until he reluctantly complied. “The more I hear from you, the more convinced I am that you have been unspeakably brave. There’s no need for modesty.”
Sasha smiled faintly. “Thank you, Lady Sigrid.” He paused. “And… I think you should know… I really did think very hard before offering myself. There’s no one else in the world I want to submit to as fully as I submit to you.”
Warmth spread in Sigrid’s chest at his words and the sincere trust in his eyes. “It is my honor to have you at my side.”
Sasha’s smile turned wicked. “And in your bed?”
She laughed. “Well, that is my honor and my privilege.”
He slid closer, dipping his head to kiss the hand nearest him. “And… your pleasure?”
“Of course.” Gently, she put her hand against Sasha’s chest. “But if I availed myself of you at this particular moment I fear I’d be asleep before dinner and Klaus would be very disappointed.”
“Oh.” Quickly, Sasha smiled, masking his obvious disappointment. “All right.”
“There are other ways we can be intimate, however.” Sigrid slid her hand up the column of Sasha’s neck and felt him shiver. “I should very much like to braid your hair.”
“Oh…” Sasha’s eyes widened, as did his smile. “Yes, please, Lady Sigrid.”
Sigrid smiled back, tugging at the ribbon holding back his hair until it gave way. “Sit up, and let me look for my brush.”
Ideally, of course, Sasha should have his own, but such were the necessary frugalities of travel.
When she returned to the bed Sasha was sitting half turned away from her, his fair hair loose and lovely around his shoulders. She sat behind him, laying her hand on his shoulder first and waiting till she felt him relax slightly before taking the brush to his ends.
As she continued to brush gently, she heard Sasha sigh and smiled to herself.
“My sister always complained that her maid was too rough with her hair, so I learned to do it the way she liked it.” Sigrid paused, finding a small knot and carefully attending to it with her fingers before resuming with the brush a little higher. “I take it you are not displeased.”
“I…” Sasha’s voice was thick with pleasure. “No one’s ever… brushed my hair before. Not like this.”
“Well then, I shall have to do it more often.” She leaned in to give his neck a quick kiss, making him giggle.
As she begun the braid, Sasha spoke, his tone drowsy-dreamy.
“It’s funny… Just being like this, I can almost feel the best parts of submission…”
Sigrid smiled again, threading the ribbon she’d set aside earlier through strands of his hair. “If you mean what I think you do, taking care of you gives me a similar feeling.”
Just then the door swung open, making both of them jump slightly at the disturbance.
“I’m back!” Klaus declared, throwing his arms wide.
“Master used to call his kind kitchen slaves. They were trusted enough to do specialized tasks directly under the masters’ supervision. Like many of them, Jalo was…” Sasha hesitated. “Loyal.”
She frowned. Although this explained certain things about the man’s attitude, it hadn’t really been what she was after. “And who is he to you?”
Sasha bit his lip. “No one, really. I ranked below him so he didn’t really-“
“Is that why he kept staring at you?” Sigrid said bluntly.
“I don’t know…” He shifted against her. “Maybe?”
He was avoiding her questions, but not outright lying as far as she could tell. That was something.
Time to cut to the point.
“I realized something when he admitted he was a slave. I saw him when I visited the mansion.”
Sasha sat up, eyes wide as he stared at her. “You did?”
“Yes. Don’t you remember? He was…” Sigrid hesitated, stomach turning at the vivid memory. “Present for your whipping.”
“Oh.” Sasha’s expression grew more vague. “You meant when you liberated us.”
“Of course I did!” Sigrid snapped, immediately regretting it when Sasha flinched.
“Sorry…” he whispered.
Sigrid winced, sitting up slowly. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you. What I mean to say is…” She paused. “What do you think should be done in his case?”
There. Show me if you intend to go alone with his plan.
Sasha stared at her. “What do I think should be done?”
“Yes. You were there, you heard his petition. You understand his circumstance.”
“His circumstance…” Sasha frowned. “No. It’s not up to me.”
Sigrid wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or not. “Are you certain?”
Sasha let out a long sigh. “Lady Sigrid, I… I know you heard us.”
Ah.
Well. There’s that charade over with, at least.
“He threatened you,” Sigrid said flatly, folding her hands in her lap.
Sasha inclined his head. “It really wasn’t necessary. But I guess he assumed I was against him.”
She frowned. “But you aren’t?”
“I didn’t say that.” Sasha drew up his legs. “But I’m not going to let him be right about me.”
So he had been bothered. But it still didn’t make sense. “In what way?”
“Lady Sigrid, I…” He wrapped his arms around his legs, resting his chin on his knees. “I told you the truth on that first night. I didn’t offer myself to you because I thought it would make me powerful or anything like that. I wanted to be with you.”
Sigrid sighed, and rested her hand on his shoulder. “Be that as it may, something has to be done about Jalo. Can I trust he’s not dangerous?”
Sasha let out a bitter laugh. “Not by himself and not in this situation.”
Still, he uncurled himself and shifted closer to her.
Sigrid paused, hoping she wasn’t about to hit a sore spot. “He said something about traitors.”
“That’s what they used to call slaves that tried to run away,” Sasha said dully.
And yet, not nearly the same reaction, Sigrid observed, but decided to let it rest.
“Lady Sigrid.” Sasha took her hand, and kissed it. “I am willing to bear the consequences of whatever action you choose to take.”
“Well, I can’t take action without knowing more about the man,” Sigrid pointed out.
Although from what I know so far, in good conscience I can’t imagine wanting to do him a good turn.
After a long moment, Sasha said quietly, “Ask him about Kai.”
Sigrid frowned. “Who is Kai?”
She felt his fingers tighten around hers. “Another slave.”
Someone important, to Sasha at least.
“Is it possible Jalo will deny knowledge of them?”
“No,” Sasha said immediately. “He’d have to feel guilty to do that.”
“I see.” Sigrid hesitated. “Should I know anything more?”
“He’s dead.”
It wasn’t the words that hung in the air so much as the way Sasha had said them, so matter-of-factly even as he stared down at the bedspread.
There was a story there, undoubtedly.
“How…” Sigrid hesitated. “How did Kai die?”
“They hung him, I think. I wasn’t there.” Sasha shrugged, a movement that seemed forced. “That was maybe… two years ago now, I guess. Not that it feels like it.”
Anger flared up in Sigrid at the thought of Sasha, helpless and alone, but she pushed it down. “I’m sorry.”
That made Sasha look up, surprise written in his features. “Why? You didn’t kill him.”
“I meant that I’m sorry you had to experience something like that,” she said gently, tugging him closer. “I think he must have meant a great deal to you.”
Sasha’s eyes widened, his cheeks going pink. “How…?”
“You don’t speak of the past much, love, and when you do it’s rare to hear a name.” Sigrid touched his shoulder, and when he didn’t flinch, wrapped her arms around his chest, kissing his cheek. “I know you now.”
He returned her embrace, burying his face in her neck. She thought she felt his breath hitch in a sob.
They stayed like that for a long moment.
“Lots of slaves died,” Sasha mumbled. “He wasn’t the only one that I liked, but him dying was what made me know I had to escape or die trying to.”
Sigrid stroked his head. “Did you try to run away?”
“No,” he said immediately. “Because even if that worked, that… wouldn’t be enough. I’d always be looking over my shoulder, scared I wasn’t really safe. And then they’d have gotten away with it. With everything.”
A strange sort of pride washed over her. Even though it might have been easier, my Sasha wasn’t satisfied with anything less but bringing the whole horrible lot of them down.
“Well, you succeeded in the end.” Sigrid kissed his temple. “But I still want you to feel safe.”
“I do feel safe… with you,” Sasha whispered.
That gave her pause.
“And in the seraglio.” He lifted his head, a serious look on his face. “I like Klaus and the others. I like this life. It’s… it’s been better than I could have dreamed.”
Sigrid smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”
What still didn’t make sense to her was why, when he’d done so much to ensure his own survival, when he’d (unnecessarily) acted to try and ensure he favored her over her other men, why he would suddenly stop short at taking action against Jalo to keep it secret from the general public that he was a slave.
Especially given how vehement he was when Jalo began to speak of it…
Her smile froze on her face.
Sasha had realized they might be overheard. And Jalo hadn’t finished all his sentences.
What if Sasha doesn’t care if Jalo reveals he’s a slave? What if he has another secret? One I don’t know about?
“Lady Sigrid?”
“Sasha…” Sigrid said slowly. “If I choose to let Jalo rot as a bootboy in Hofn’s service, technically improving his situation but angering him, do you think he will say anything that might make you feel unsafe?”
Sasha looked thoughtful. “Maybe.”
“Then-“
“But honestly, Lady Sigrid?” Sasha laughed. “Who would listen to him now?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Rumors don’t always originate from the most reputable sources.”
Sasha’s smile dimmed a little. “Well… still, I don’t think…”
“Put aside what Jalo thinks of you,” Sigrid said impatiently. “If this man intends to hurt you, I want there to be the smallest possible chance that he could succeed.”
“But he doesn’t,” Sasha said, as though it were obvious. “He dislikes me, but that’s not what matters to him. All he cares about is his stupid ego and that’s all about his position.”
“So if I suggested say, he become Hofn’s personal valet, would that-“
“Don’t!” Immediately after speaking, Sasha flushed. “I mean… wouldn’t that make Hofn annoyed at you?”
“He’ll be annoyed wherever I put Jalo so long as it’s his problem, but he’ll get over it. He likes Mother and Lotte, and next time one of them will deal with him instead.”
Sasha’s eyes widened, color draining from his face. “The Queen would really bother coming to a place like this?”
“Well, not usually,” Sigrid admitted. “If he gives Lotte trouble, which he might, then she’d be annoyed enough to make the journey. But if Hofn has any sense he’ll try to avoid that kind of confrontation.”
“I… I see.”
He was withdrawing into himself again, his expression distant with thought or sadness.
Now I think about it, he behaved oddly when I introduced him to Mother as well, lowering his head and barely speaking.
Not that Sigrid didn’t understand the impulse, and it was certainly true that there was nothing unreasonable about being intimidated by the Queen. Anyone with sense felt that way.
But Sasha had held her hand so tightly, like he was afraid she’d vanish.
Or just like he was afraid.
“Sasha,” Sigrid said gently. “Are you all right?”
“I don’t want him to be happy.” Sasha rested his head on her shoulder, so she couldn’t quite see his face. “But… maybe you’re right. Maybe he could still be dangerous if he’s too upset to care what happens to him.”
What Sigrid wanted, most of all, was to protect Sasha. Now that Sasha had admitted there was a possibility Jalo could hurt him, she needed to handle the man very carefully.
“I think perhaps I’ve been considering this from the wrong angle,” Sigrid mused. “What Hofn wants is a say in his territory. If Jalo makes himself unbearable and I give the choice to Hofn…”
“Then it will be Hofn he’s upset at?” Sasha paused, thoughtfully. “Maybe.”
Sigrid smiled. “Think on it. If you have a better thought, I want to hear it.”
“But it’s not my place to-“
“This affects you more than me,” she said firmly. “So it is your place.”
She felt him hesitate again, but then he spoke.
“Then… do it. But make sure you ask him about Kai.”
“I will.”
They lay in contemplative silence for a while after that, Sigrid absently stroking Sasha’s head from time to time.
“What will you tell Klaus?” Sasha said suddenly.
Sigrid frowned. “I thought perhaps I would leave him out of it entirely.”
“Lord Hofn might take notice of that,” Sasha pointed out.
“I don’t care particularly if he does.” Better Klaus be bored than… disturbed.
“So you’d rather Lord Hofn realize my past than Klaus?”
The question was unexpectedly sharp, and Sigrid turned to find a hardness in Sasha’s face she had not seen before.
“I thought,” Sigrid said slowly, “that you would prefer it that way.”
“He’s innocent.” Sasha’s tone softened. “Too innocent. I know you want to protect him, but-“
“As I said, I thought I was protecting y-“
“But you can’t let him go on thinking the world is full of nice people!”
Sigrid stared at Sasha, not certain if she was more shocked at what he was saying or how he’d interrupted her.
“Don’t you see?” There was such sorrow in his face it made Sigrid’s heart hurt. “I didn’t realize. The way he talked earlier, like half my life was some sort of myth. They don’t see me for what I am- what I was not because they’re blind but because the possibility doesn’t even occur to them! And that’s not… that’s not what I want.”
Sasha dropped his head, staring down at the coverlet. “Even you… even you, Lady Sigrid. You don’t know half of what I’ve seen.”
“Sasha…” Her stomach twisted. I don’t know, but I can imagine.
“Please.” Sasha swallowed visibly. “I want Klaus to be there.”
“He’s not exactly known for keeping secrets,” Sigrid pointed out. “Half my harem will hear about it.”
Sasha shrugged, as if to say I’ll deal with that later.
“He can’t conceal his feelings. He’ll be… emotional.”
“Lady Sigrid,” Sasha said, raising his head. “I haven’t asked you for much. Please.”
She exhaled slowly. “Very well. It will be done.”
I hope I won’t come to regret this.
Sasha all but knocked her back into the pillows with his embrace. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Sigrid smiled, kissing his temple. “It’s a rather strange thing to thank me so passionately for, sweetheart.”
“Well… you listened to me.” He nuzzled her neck.
“I spoil you is what I do,” Sigrid said fondly.
He laughed. “Jalo said that too.”
Her stomach dropped.
“But he thinks not chaining me up at night is spoiling me,” Sasha said, almost cheerfully. “If he knew you let me sleep in your bed he would be speechless.”
“Wretched man,” Sigrid muttered. “Why should he think himself so far above you?”
Sasha shrugged again. “In Master’s eyes, he was. That was all he ever knew.”
“But why?”
Sasha’s smile faded, and he picked at a thread on the coverlet. “Well… as I told you before, I was sold when I was nine. So I remembered being free. And at first, I fought them.”
“Well, of course.” Sigrid still didn’t understand. “What of it?”
Sasha sighed. “I didn’t fight back well. I just… lashed out, weakly. I couldn’t actually stop them or even hurt them, really. They… thought it was funny. Even after I finally gave up and started trying to blend in they kept laughing about me.”
Rage flared up in Sigrid, and she had to fold her hands to keep them from shaking.
“At the same time, I was… to Master’s taste, so I avoided the worst punishments. And I think that made some like Jalo resent me.” Sasha’s voice and expression had taken on that oddly flat tone again. “I was often told I was receiving a privilege I didn’t deserve.”
“By…” Being molested and raped by that woman and her cohorts? “What age?”
Sasha avoided her eyes. “I’m… not really sure. It was hard to keep track of time sometimes.”
That was somehow more disturbing to Sigrid than confirming outright what she suspected.
Sasha shrugged again, unconvincingly “Sometimes I did choose it. Not with Master, I mean, that was never a choice when it happened, but with others.” The faintest of smiles crossed his mouth. “I got to be good enough that I could use it to get people to do things for me. Like delivering letters.”
Sigrid closed her eyes briefly. So that’s how his missive reached me at last. The courier fucked him.
The exchange Sasha and Jalo had rung in her ears.
“Whoring was all you were ever good for.”
“I know it.”
She’d known he’d been ill-used in the past, but she’d willfully closed her eyes to just how much.
Am I just another person taking advantage of him?
“Lady Sigrid?”
Sasha bit his lip. “Are you… disgusted with me?”
“No!” Sigrid said vehemently. “I’m disgusted with the treatment you received. With the utter lack of compassion! Never, never with you.” She hesitated. “And I… I hope you never again feel as though you have to… do anything you do not truly wish to do.”
Sasha smiled, his eyes perhaps a bit shinier than usual. “Thank you.”
“You…” Sigrid swallowed. “You haven’t felt… forced by me or anyone since you’ve entered my service? In any way?”
“No!” Sasha said immediately, eyes widening. “Lady Sigrid, I thought you knew. I’m terribly wanton.”
“Well, yes, but that doesn’t-“
“If I didn’t desire you, I never would have offered myself,” Sasha cut in sharply. “Never. If you’d turned me away I would have gone on doing honest work at the inn where I was staying. I didn’t need your favor, but I wanted it.”
“Why?” She believed him, but… “Because I killed your Master?”
“That, and…” Sasha hesitated, his cheeks going pink. “Meeting you was one of the only good things that happened to me after I was sold to her. You were kind and gentle with me, and so outraged that anyone would hurt me. I always wished to see you again.”
“I looked for you the next day,” Sigrid said softly. “I remember that much.”
“Well, I wasn’t allowed outside for a long time after that.” Sasha smiled. “But it was worth it.”
She stroked his cheek. “My brave darling.”
His flush deepened, and he lowered his eyes. “I wasn’t brave, really. I was just-“
“Sasha. Look at me.” Sigrid waited until he reluctantly complied. “The more I hear from you, the more convinced I am that you have been unspeakably brave. There’s no need for modesty.”
Sasha smiled faintly. “Thank you, Lady Sigrid.” He paused. “And… I think you should know… I really did think very hard before offering myself. There’s no one else in the world I want to submit to as fully as I submit to you.”
Warmth spread in Sigrid’s chest at his words and the sincere trust in his eyes. “It is my honor to have you at my side.”
Sasha’s smile turned wicked. “And in your bed?”
She laughed. “Well, that is my honor and my privilege.”
He slid closer, dipping his head to kiss the hand nearest him. “And… your pleasure?”
“Of course.” Gently, she put her hand against Sasha’s chest. “But if I availed myself of you at this particular moment I fear I’d be asleep before dinner and Klaus would be very disappointed.”
“Oh.” Quickly, Sasha smiled, masking his obvious disappointment. “All right.”
“There are other ways we can be intimate, however.” Sigrid slid her hand up the column of Sasha’s neck and felt him shiver. “I should very much like to braid your hair.”
“Oh…” Sasha’s eyes widened, as did his smile. “Yes, please, Lady Sigrid.”
Sigrid smiled back, tugging at the ribbon holding back his hair until it gave way. “Sit up, and let me look for my brush.”
Ideally, of course, Sasha should have his own, but such were the necessary frugalities of travel.
When she returned to the bed Sasha was sitting half turned away from her, his fair hair loose and lovely around his shoulders. She sat behind him, laying her hand on his shoulder first and waiting till she felt him relax slightly before taking the brush to his ends.
As she continued to brush gently, she heard Sasha sigh and smiled to herself.
“My sister always complained that her maid was too rough with her hair, so I learned to do it the way she liked it.” Sigrid paused, finding a small knot and carefully attending to it with her fingers before resuming with the brush a little higher. “I take it you are not displeased.”
“I…” Sasha’s voice was thick with pleasure. “No one’s ever… brushed my hair before. Not like this.”
“Well then, I shall have to do it more often.” She leaned in to give his neck a quick kiss, making him giggle.
As she begun the braid, Sasha spoke, his tone drowsy-dreamy.
“It’s funny… Just being like this, I can almost feel the best parts of submission…”
Sigrid smiled again, threading the ribbon she’d set aside earlier through strands of his hair. “If you mean what I think you do, taking care of you gives me a similar feeling.”
Just then the door swung open, making both of them jump slightly at the disturbance.
“I’m back!” Klaus declared, throwing his arms wide.
