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sigridharemKlaus was silent even after they had left Hofn’s hall and all the way to their guest room.
When they were safely alone with the door shut behind them, Sigrid put her hand on Klaus’s shoulder. “Klaus, I can answer your questions now.”
Instead of answering her, Klaus walked over to the bed and sat down hard, burying his face in his hands.
Sigrid felt Sasha’s hand slip into hers before Sasha said, quietly, “I’m sorry for lying.”
“I don’t understand.” Klaus didn’t lift his head. “I just don’t understand. Why did he know you, Sasha?”
Sasha hesitated.
“Did you work for the person who kept that guy as a slave?”
Sigrid glanced at Sasha. Sasha looked at Klaus, then looked at Sigrid and nodded, quietly, squeezing her hand.
“When I met Sasha,” Sigrid said gently, “he was in chains, with blood running down his back.”
Klaus lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed. “Sasha… was another slave?”
Sasha went to Klaus, sitting beside him. “For ten years.”
“Ten years?!” Klaus gaped at Sasha. “But you’re so… so… normal!”
Sasha laughed. “You think so?”
“Way more normal than Leifr!” Klaus paused, alarm flashing across his face. “Lady Sigrid, Leifr wasn’t…”
“No,” Sigrid confirmed. “Leifr’s eccentricities are entirely his own. Sasha and Jalo are, as far as I know, the only former slaves you’ve met.”
Klaus frowned. “But Jalo hates you, and Sasha… doesn’t.”
“Jalo believed anything Master told him,” Sasha said sharply. “I didn’t.”
Sigrid didn’t feel she knew enough to make speculative remarks on the different mentalities that slavery could lead to, so she hoped Sasha would say more on the subject, but he did not.
“Who was Kai?” Klaus said suddenly, surprising Sigrid and Sasha both.
“My…” Sasha hesitated. “My friend. My only real friend, before Lady Sigrid found me.”
“And he was from Rúsland? How did he get enslaved here then?”
Somewhat startled at Klaus’s audacity, Sigrid looked at Sasha, whose face had tightened.
“I don’t really know where he was from. I think… he got into trouble asking questions about the wrong people.”
“Wow…” Klaus shook his head. “I can’t believe it. I mean,” he added quickly, “obviously I believe you! What I really mean is, that’s intense. Ten years… I probably would’ve died. You’re really strong to survive that.”
“I wanted to die sometimes.” There was that odd, flat tone again of Sasha’s. “Other times I thought I was about to. Stronger slaves than me died. I guess I was just…” He let out a bitterly dull laugh. “Lucky.”
As the long uncomfortable silence stretched out, Sigrid sat on Sasha’s other side. Their hands brushed against each other, and Sasha leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder as their fingers entwined.
“Well…” Klaus said, his tone uncertain. “I’m glad Lady Sigrid found you! That was lucky anyway.”
Sigrid kissed Sasha’s forehead, knowing very well it was anything but.
However, Sasha simply said, “Yes.”
Klaus exhaled, then frowned. “Wait, it doesn’t bother you when I call Lady Sigrid ‘Mistress’ does it?”
“Why would it bother me?” Sasha looked genuinely perplexed.
“Well, because… you were enslaved by a woman, right?”
Sasha shrugged. “Mistress isn’t the same as Master. And I’d rather not think of Master as my Master anymore, really.”
“Still it…” Klaus hesitated. “It’s kind of… ridiculous, isn’t it? Watching us act out stuff like something that was just your actual life. It can’t have been sexy having to live like that for real against your will. Especially when you were a kid.”
Sigrid bit her lip but Sasha just laughed.
“Nothing I’ve seen Lady Sigrid do with you reminds me of Master. And being with Lady Sigrid isn’t like being with Master at all.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Sigrid said, somewhat dryly.
However, Klaus looked a little pale. “Wait, you…”
“I wasn’t allowed to look Master in the eye, ever,” Sasha said, looking steadily at Klaus. “Most of the time I was in a room with her I was so terrified I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and then she’d make fun of me because I couldn’t stop shaking. Other people said I was to her taste, but she never said anything that suggested it. She made me feel like I was the foulest, most worthless creature on this earth.”
Sigrid closed her eyes, pushing down her rage. The thought of anyone being that frightened and that humiliated was disturbing. The thought that Sasha had endured it, over and over again, was intolerable.
“Lady Sigrid, you’re hurting me,” Sasha said softly, and Sigrid realized she’d tightened her grip on his arm. Exhaling, she forced herself to flex her fingers and gently rub his arm where her nails had dug in.
“I’m sorry, love.”
Strangely, Sasha laughed again. “That’s what I mean. It’s different.”
“I…” Klaus bit his lip, his voice wobbling. “I just feel like I’ve been so stupid and… and…”
“You’re not stupid,” Sasha said before Sigrid could, and that was a relief at least, that they agreed. “You just didn’t know. And it was nice, that you thought I was normal.”
“You’re still normal!” Klaus said fiercely, a tear slipping out of his eye. “You just had horrible experiences!”
“Klaus…” Sigrid reached to wipe his eyes, and he clung to her arm.
“I’m not normal. But it’s okay.” Sasha sat up a little, only to let out a surprised noise as Klaus flung himself at Sasha.
“Stop saying that!” Klaus threw his arms around Sasha and sobbed. “You’re just as normal as… as the rest of us! Probably more normal than Nikolaj!”
Sigrid snorted, putting her arms around them both in a quick hug. “Is this really the time, darling?”
Sasha laughed, and the sound filled her with relief.
Reluctantly, Klaus pulled himself out of Sasha’s arms. “I’m just saying, you could’ve been a jerk like him and you’re not. Or a jerk like… like that guy who’s getting executed tonight.”
“I’d die before turning into Jalo,” Sasha said calmly.
“Well, don’t, okay?” Klaus sniffled loudly and wiped his nose. “You’re going to the execution, right, Lady Sigrid?”
Sigrid nodded, and Sasha spoke up. “I want to go too.”
Klaus shuddered. “Yeah, I’ll pass.”
“That’s perfectly fine,” Sigrid ruffled Klaus’s hair before squeezing Sasha’s shoulder. “But… perhaps you should be careful who you tell about Sasha’s past.”
“Nobody else knows?” Klaus wiped his nose again. “Not even Mikael?”
Sigrid shook her head. “Only Gudmundr and Karl.”
“Karl knows everything, I guess,” Klaus said morosely. “Wouldn’t Gudmundr tell somebody, like Princess Charlotte? I know he and the Queen haven’t gotten along in ages, but he talks to your sister, doesn’t he?”
“Gudmundr thought I should refuse Sasha, but once I made it clear I wasn’t asking his opinion he agreed it would be best not to speak of Sasha’s past to anyone.” Sigrid exhaled. “We haven’t discussed the subject since, but believe me, Lotte doesn’t know. If she did, I’d have heard about it.”
Sasha looked a little pale, so Sigrid gently stroked his face until he looked at her.
“I have never once regretted accepting you, love. Not once.”
A shy smile tugged at the corner of Sasha’s mouth, and he blinked a bit too rapidly. “I haven’t regretted giving myself to you either.”
“Well, I guess this explains some things.” Klaus prodded Sasha’s shoulder. “Like your scars.”
Sasha frowned, turning back to Klaus. “You noticed?”
“I mean, once I really saw your back it was hard not to notice. But I thought it’d be rude to say anything when you were so clearly ashamed of them.”
That surprised Sigrid, as Sasha had never been reticent with his body where she was concerned.
“I thought you’d know if you saw,” Sasha said quietly. “That’s why I tried to keep anyone but Lady Sigrid from seeing me unclothed in the light.”
Now that I think about it, I suppose he was more likely to keep clothes on when another man was around. I can’t believe I never noticed.
Klaus sighed. “Well, I just figured maybe you had terrible parents or something. Or were a criminal, maybe?”
That made Sasha smile. “You didn’t really think I was a criminal.”
“No,” Klaus admitted. “But apparently that was less crazy than the truth!”
It occurred to Sigrid faintly that Sasha had once described his parents as outlaws. For all that Sasha was laughing right now, he might well have known a life of crime when he was young. Perhaps that was how he had come to be enslaved.
“Lady Sigrid.” Sasha interrupted her thoughts with a squeeze of her hand. “You look troubled.”
“Yeah…” Klaus’s expression dropped a little. “Are you thinking about that Jalo guy?”
“No,” Sigrid said firmly.
Unexpectedly, Sasha wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. “I never thought he’d dare try to attack you, Lady Sigrid. I’m so sorry that I-“
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.” She turned her head to kiss Sasha’s forehead as his arms tightened almost painfully. “I could hardly believe how quickly you moved between us, for one thing.”
“But if I hadn’t-“
“Stop!”
Both Sigrid and Sasha turned to see Klaus on the verge of tears again.
“You shouldn’t have to apologize for anything! Unless it’s for keeping secrets, but that’s not the point. I wish… it’s too bad the guy has to die but that’s not your fault, so don’t… don’t start talking like that again.”
Sasha’s grip loosened on Sigrid, and Sigrid reached to enfold Klaus in a hug.
“Like what?” Sasha’s tone was… strange.
Klaus shuddered in Sigrid’s embrace. “Like you’re responsible for… for…”
“I am responsible for some things.”
“Well, sure, but...”
“It’s not like you think,” Sasha said sharply. “I wasn’t just a victim. I’ve done a lot of things, even when nobody noticed I was doing them. I told Lady Sigrid to ask about Kai, and maybe I shouldn’t have. If it weren’t for me-“ His voice broke a little, and Sasha looked away, swallowing hard. “If it weren’t for me, Kai probably would be alive today.”
Sigrid sucked in a hard breath. “Sasha, love…”
He wouldn’t look at her. “I don’t want to talk about it but it’s true.”
Klaus threw his arms around Sasha, and Sasha’s shoulders went up, but he didn’t throw Klaus off.
“I won’t repeat myself,” Sigrid said softly. “Not once.”
Slowly, Sasha turned back to her, and she could see he was struggling to hold back his own tears.
Sigrid pulled off her boots and moved into the center of the bed, patting either side. “Come here, both of you.”
Klaus positively dove at her, burying his face in her hip. Sasha hesitated, then slowly crawled to her other side, laying his head on her shoulder. Together, they lay down on the bed.
There was silence, for a long moment.
And then Sigrid felt Sasha’s hand wrap around her waist as he pressed himself closer, kissing her neck.
Sigrid shivered, reaching up to stroke the back of his head. “Sasha…”
“Won’t you hold me in your arms?” Sasha whispered.
When they were safely alone with the door shut behind them, Sigrid put her hand on Klaus’s shoulder. “Klaus, I can answer your questions now.”
Instead of answering her, Klaus walked over to the bed and sat down hard, burying his face in his hands.
Sigrid felt Sasha’s hand slip into hers before Sasha said, quietly, “I’m sorry for lying.”
“I don’t understand.” Klaus didn’t lift his head. “I just don’t understand. Why did he know you, Sasha?”
Sasha hesitated.
“Did you work for the person who kept that guy as a slave?”
Sigrid glanced at Sasha. Sasha looked at Klaus, then looked at Sigrid and nodded, quietly, squeezing her hand.
“When I met Sasha,” Sigrid said gently, “he was in chains, with blood running down his back.”
Klaus lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed. “Sasha… was another slave?”
Sasha went to Klaus, sitting beside him. “For ten years.”
“Ten years?!” Klaus gaped at Sasha. “But you’re so… so… normal!”
Sasha laughed. “You think so?”
“Way more normal than Leifr!” Klaus paused, alarm flashing across his face. “Lady Sigrid, Leifr wasn’t…”
“No,” Sigrid confirmed. “Leifr’s eccentricities are entirely his own. Sasha and Jalo are, as far as I know, the only former slaves you’ve met.”
Klaus frowned. “But Jalo hates you, and Sasha… doesn’t.”
“Jalo believed anything Master told him,” Sasha said sharply. “I didn’t.”
Sigrid didn’t feel she knew enough to make speculative remarks on the different mentalities that slavery could lead to, so she hoped Sasha would say more on the subject, but he did not.
“Who was Kai?” Klaus said suddenly, surprising Sigrid and Sasha both.
“My…” Sasha hesitated. “My friend. My only real friend, before Lady Sigrid found me.”
“And he was from Rúsland? How did he get enslaved here then?”
Somewhat startled at Klaus’s audacity, Sigrid looked at Sasha, whose face had tightened.
“I don’t really know where he was from. I think… he got into trouble asking questions about the wrong people.”
“Wow…” Klaus shook his head. “I can’t believe it. I mean,” he added quickly, “obviously I believe you! What I really mean is, that’s intense. Ten years… I probably would’ve died. You’re really strong to survive that.”
“I wanted to die sometimes.” There was that odd, flat tone again of Sasha’s. “Other times I thought I was about to. Stronger slaves than me died. I guess I was just…” He let out a bitterly dull laugh. “Lucky.”
As the long uncomfortable silence stretched out, Sigrid sat on Sasha’s other side. Their hands brushed against each other, and Sasha leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder as their fingers entwined.
“Well…” Klaus said, his tone uncertain. “I’m glad Lady Sigrid found you! That was lucky anyway.”
Sigrid kissed Sasha’s forehead, knowing very well it was anything but.
However, Sasha simply said, “Yes.”
Klaus exhaled, then frowned. “Wait, it doesn’t bother you when I call Lady Sigrid ‘Mistress’ does it?”
“Why would it bother me?” Sasha looked genuinely perplexed.
“Well, because… you were enslaved by a woman, right?”
Sasha shrugged. “Mistress isn’t the same as Master. And I’d rather not think of Master as my Master anymore, really.”
“Still it…” Klaus hesitated. “It’s kind of… ridiculous, isn’t it? Watching us act out stuff like something that was just your actual life. It can’t have been sexy having to live like that for real against your will. Especially when you were a kid.”
Sigrid bit her lip but Sasha just laughed.
“Nothing I’ve seen Lady Sigrid do with you reminds me of Master. And being with Lady Sigrid isn’t like being with Master at all.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Sigrid said, somewhat dryly.
However, Klaus looked a little pale. “Wait, you…”
“I wasn’t allowed to look Master in the eye, ever,” Sasha said, looking steadily at Klaus. “Most of the time I was in a room with her I was so terrified I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and then she’d make fun of me because I couldn’t stop shaking. Other people said I was to her taste, but she never said anything that suggested it. She made me feel like I was the foulest, most worthless creature on this earth.”
Sigrid closed her eyes, pushing down her rage. The thought of anyone being that frightened and that humiliated was disturbing. The thought that Sasha had endured it, over and over again, was intolerable.
“Lady Sigrid, you’re hurting me,” Sasha said softly, and Sigrid realized she’d tightened her grip on his arm. Exhaling, she forced herself to flex her fingers and gently rub his arm where her nails had dug in.
“I’m sorry, love.”
Strangely, Sasha laughed again. “That’s what I mean. It’s different.”
“I…” Klaus bit his lip, his voice wobbling. “I just feel like I’ve been so stupid and… and…”
“You’re not stupid,” Sasha said before Sigrid could, and that was a relief at least, that they agreed. “You just didn’t know. And it was nice, that you thought I was normal.”
“You’re still normal!” Klaus said fiercely, a tear slipping out of his eye. “You just had horrible experiences!”
“Klaus…” Sigrid reached to wipe his eyes, and he clung to her arm.
“I’m not normal. But it’s okay.” Sasha sat up a little, only to let out a surprised noise as Klaus flung himself at Sasha.
“Stop saying that!” Klaus threw his arms around Sasha and sobbed. “You’re just as normal as… as the rest of us! Probably more normal than Nikolaj!”
Sigrid snorted, putting her arms around them both in a quick hug. “Is this really the time, darling?”
Sasha laughed, and the sound filled her with relief.
Reluctantly, Klaus pulled himself out of Sasha’s arms. “I’m just saying, you could’ve been a jerk like him and you’re not. Or a jerk like… like that guy who’s getting executed tonight.”
“I’d die before turning into Jalo,” Sasha said calmly.
“Well, don’t, okay?” Klaus sniffled loudly and wiped his nose. “You’re going to the execution, right, Lady Sigrid?”
Sigrid nodded, and Sasha spoke up. “I want to go too.”
Klaus shuddered. “Yeah, I’ll pass.”
“That’s perfectly fine,” Sigrid ruffled Klaus’s hair before squeezing Sasha’s shoulder. “But… perhaps you should be careful who you tell about Sasha’s past.”
“Nobody else knows?” Klaus wiped his nose again. “Not even Mikael?”
Sigrid shook her head. “Only Gudmundr and Karl.”
“Karl knows everything, I guess,” Klaus said morosely. “Wouldn’t Gudmundr tell somebody, like Princess Charlotte? I know he and the Queen haven’t gotten along in ages, but he talks to your sister, doesn’t he?”
“Gudmundr thought I should refuse Sasha, but once I made it clear I wasn’t asking his opinion he agreed it would be best not to speak of Sasha’s past to anyone.” Sigrid exhaled. “We haven’t discussed the subject since, but believe me, Lotte doesn’t know. If she did, I’d have heard about it.”
Sasha looked a little pale, so Sigrid gently stroked his face until he looked at her.
“I have never once regretted accepting you, love. Not once.”
A shy smile tugged at the corner of Sasha’s mouth, and he blinked a bit too rapidly. “I haven’t regretted giving myself to you either.”
“Well, I guess this explains some things.” Klaus prodded Sasha’s shoulder. “Like your scars.”
Sasha frowned, turning back to Klaus. “You noticed?”
“I mean, once I really saw your back it was hard not to notice. But I thought it’d be rude to say anything when you were so clearly ashamed of them.”
That surprised Sigrid, as Sasha had never been reticent with his body where she was concerned.
“I thought you’d know if you saw,” Sasha said quietly. “That’s why I tried to keep anyone but Lady Sigrid from seeing me unclothed in the light.”
Now that I think about it, I suppose he was more likely to keep clothes on when another man was around. I can’t believe I never noticed.
Klaus sighed. “Well, I just figured maybe you had terrible parents or something. Or were a criminal, maybe?”
That made Sasha smile. “You didn’t really think I was a criminal.”
“No,” Klaus admitted. “But apparently that was less crazy than the truth!”
It occurred to Sigrid faintly that Sasha had once described his parents as outlaws. For all that Sasha was laughing right now, he might well have known a life of crime when he was young. Perhaps that was how he had come to be enslaved.
“Lady Sigrid.” Sasha interrupted her thoughts with a squeeze of her hand. “You look troubled.”
“Yeah…” Klaus’s expression dropped a little. “Are you thinking about that Jalo guy?”
“No,” Sigrid said firmly.
Unexpectedly, Sasha wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. “I never thought he’d dare try to attack you, Lady Sigrid. I’m so sorry that I-“
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about.” She turned her head to kiss Sasha’s forehead as his arms tightened almost painfully. “I could hardly believe how quickly you moved between us, for one thing.”
“But if I hadn’t-“
“Stop!”
Both Sigrid and Sasha turned to see Klaus on the verge of tears again.
“You shouldn’t have to apologize for anything! Unless it’s for keeping secrets, but that’s not the point. I wish… it’s too bad the guy has to die but that’s not your fault, so don’t… don’t start talking like that again.”
Sasha’s grip loosened on Sigrid, and Sigrid reached to enfold Klaus in a hug.
“Like what?” Sasha’s tone was… strange.
Klaus shuddered in Sigrid’s embrace. “Like you’re responsible for… for…”
“I am responsible for some things.”
“Well, sure, but...”
“It’s not like you think,” Sasha said sharply. “I wasn’t just a victim. I’ve done a lot of things, even when nobody noticed I was doing them. I told Lady Sigrid to ask about Kai, and maybe I shouldn’t have. If it weren’t for me-“ His voice broke a little, and Sasha looked away, swallowing hard. “If it weren’t for me, Kai probably would be alive today.”
Sigrid sucked in a hard breath. “Sasha, love…”
He wouldn’t look at her. “I don’t want to talk about it but it’s true.”
Klaus threw his arms around Sasha, and Sasha’s shoulders went up, but he didn’t throw Klaus off.
“I won’t repeat myself,” Sigrid said softly. “Not once.”
Slowly, Sasha turned back to her, and she could see he was struggling to hold back his own tears.
Sigrid pulled off her boots and moved into the center of the bed, patting either side. “Come here, both of you.”
Klaus positively dove at her, burying his face in her hip. Sasha hesitated, then slowly crawled to her other side, laying his head on her shoulder. Together, they lay down on the bed.
There was silence, for a long moment.
And then Sigrid felt Sasha’s hand wrap around her waist as he pressed himself closer, kissing her neck.
Sigrid shivered, reaching up to stroke the back of his head. “Sasha…”
“Won’t you hold me in your arms?” Sasha whispered.
